


memories echo in the silence

by smolgreeneyedavenger



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-Infinity War, romanogers - Freeform, the snap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 15:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21460135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolgreeneyedavenger/pseuds/smolgreeneyedavenger
Summary: "The snap had affected everything everywhere. There was really nothing they could do to change that. Natasha still saw Vision’s dead body in her dreams, Wanda’s screams as she fought of aliens, Thor’s lighting. She could feel the beating of her heart as they had run to the fight, the nausea in her stomach as she realized they had lost. She wondered if Steve felt it all too…They hadn’t talked about it yet."
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 11
Kudos: 73





	memories echo in the silence

**Author's Note:**

> the hell has just begun 
> 
> I DO NOT OWN ANY MARVEL CHARACTERS!

The Avengers Facility seemed huge.

It had always been a large compound, with its extending garages, dozens of floors, and huge windows. She had lived in it years ago. She had run through the hallways, baked cookies and even napped on the couches. Yet, after five years of being away… Natasha Romanoff couldn’t help but stare up at the huge building for a long moment.

The building’s shadow loomed over, the Avengers _A_ staring accusingly at her. She hadn’t been called an Avenger since going on the run— the _A_ didn’t stand for her anymore. She had ignored it earlier when she and the others had come with a wounded Vision. That alone, felt like years ago. Still, there she was again, really just days later, finally breathing in the New York air, her heeled boots pressed into the cool concrete. She shut the car door, her eyes roaming along the front of the building and along the parking way. Her reflection across the windowed walls stared back at her, unsure… and tired looking.

Steve Rogers’s reflection looked tired too. He was out of the car, stuffing the keys in his pocket as he stared out over the green grounds of the compound. He had driven the long way from the airport, his tried eyes glued to the road, occasionally sighing. His beard looked unkept and his hair had been raked back with his hands more than once. He was under a lot. And it was showing big time. It was hard enough on him to leave Wakanda, where dust and blood was still covering the country. Someone needed to be at the helm of the Facility, though, and they both needed to breath and rest. Rhodey pushed them both to go.

They left the Quinjet with the others and made the long journey home, plane trip after plan trip and then a drive in a small rented car. The others would come when things had settled but Natasha didn’t think it would be any later than three weeks. The snap had affected everything everywhere. There was really nothing they could do to change that. Natasha still saw Vision’s dead body in her dreams, Wanda’s screams as she fought of aliens, Thor’s lighting. She could feel the beating of her heart as they had run to the fight, the nausea in her stomach as she realized they had lost. She wondered if Steve felt it all too…

They hadn’t talked about it yet.

Natasha jolted when she heard the back door of the car open and she turned to see Steve digging in the back. He was pulling out what little luggage they had. Two backpacks and a duffle bag. Being on the run, you learned how to keep things small and easy. The backpacks were full of their own personal belongings (clothes, toothbrushes, etc.) The duffle bag owned weapons, their suits and whatever they took from the Quinjet. Natasha didn’t want that grubby raccoon’s little hands over everything.

She took one of the backpacks out and Steve took the others. They shut the doors of the small car at the same time, loud bangs to the silence of the carport. Steve made his way around the car and up to the doors. He glanced up at the _A_ as he went, jerking his head away as quickly as he did it. Natasha followed, not saying a word but noticing the heaviness of his body as he quickly made his way to the entrance. He gripped the duffle bag handles with white knuckles and the backpack laid against his strong shoulders. When they got to the doors, he stopped and just stared at the handles.

Natasha watched him, not really sure of what was going through his brain. But she could imagine. It had been longer from him to be at the Facility than her. He had given up the life of an Avenger to save Bucky. He had been on the run with her and Sam. And they had lost in their fight against Thanos. They had lost so much… and so many. It would be hard to go through the building and seeing and remembering.

Natasha put a hand on his arm, her fingers rubbing at the material of his airport jacket. He took a deep breath and stared at the screen on the side of the door. “I wonder if our hand prints still give us access.” Natasha walked around him, pressing her hand against the cold, dark screen. It scanned, a blue light shining along her white skin. The doors slid open. Natasha looked up at Steve and he shrugged. “I guess he didn’t lock us out of the system…”

“Not just yet,” Natasha muttered as she stared into the dark building. She wondered where Tony was... if he even was still alive. Steve walked through the doors, soft blue lights scanning his body from either side. No alarms went off. Natasha glanced back out to the car, but her eyes stared up at the blue sky. She wondered why God above was still letting the sun rise and the sky to be a bright color. 

“You comin’?” Steve’s voice called her back and turned to see his hand extended to her. She nodded, pulled her backpack over one shoulder, and gripped his hand as he led her through the blue lights. The doors closed behind them, leaving them in a dim and empty room. It was the first level, mostly used by the slowly rising S.H.I.E.L.D. There had been so signs of Fury and even Natasha couldn’t get Maria Hill on the phone. She could only suspect the worse. Steve immediately led them to the elevator, his hand gripping tightly to Natasha’s. He pressed the bright button with his free thumb and they didn’t want but a second before the doors opened. She followed him inside and she pressed the button for the Avengers floor.

He took a deep, deep breath as the elevator started to ascend and she squeezed his hand. He glanced at her but his eyes dropped when music started to softly play in the background. Tony had put music in the elevators, a request from Steve years back. Natasha doubted Steve would’ve ever thought it’d come to hurt him like this. ’Dreams’ by the Cranberries echoed against the elevator walls, it’s beat soft but still settled to the beat of their hearts. Steve kept his eyes on the ground and Nat brought her other hand to their clutches ones. She rubbed at the skin of his knuckles.

_“Oh, my life is changing everyday, in every possible way…” _

At least the elevator trip wasn’t long. Steve sniffed as he let her hand go and stepped out in the hallway. Natasha tugged on the strap of her backpack and followed— stopping short at the first sign of a life long ago: a little table with a cold coffee pot and a bag of stale donuts on top. Vision usually kept the coffee hot and the donuts fresh. Wanda used to snack on it all of it.

Steve was already down the hallway and into the kitchen, his head turning in each direction as he searched the room over. Natasha slowly dragged herself to step into the kitchen. She knew she was there just days before… but the silence of the building made it seem like it had been abandoned years ago. Steve let his hands drag along one of the marble counter, before pulling off his backpack and opening the refrigerator door. Natasha wasn’t hungry herself but she didn’t have half the metabolism Steve Rogers did.

She kept her backpack on but looked over the room. She stared at the conference room a few ways back. It had been the room where Ross had introduced the Accords. The living area where all of them had discussed the Accords stood close by, it’s comfy couches enticing for a weary traveler. She rubbed at her heavy eyes, just thinking about naps.

“There’s nothing here…” Steve muttered behind and Natasha slowly turned back to him. He let the fridge door shut behind him but he unscrewed a cap to a water bottle, so he wasn’t totally empty handed. “We’ll need to go shopping for supper.”

She looked down at the basket weaved fruit bowl, taking out a few rotten oranges and bananas. “Not tonight. I’ll order a pizza.” She threw the good apple at his face and he caught it while still draining the water bottle. “That’ll hold you off some… hmm…”

“Let’s hope…” He was already biting into it when she walked out of the kitchen and around the dining room table. She chuckled once, thinking about the crazy dinners they used to all have. It could get so loud in the room and more than once, food was thrown across the table at unaware heads. She walked past, pressing her body against the near door and slipping out into the next hallway. A few more hallways, stairs and doors, she would find her old bedroom. That is… if Tony didn’t change into some gym or something. She was still walking down the hallway, her fingers flicking at the leaves of a tall plant, when the door opened behind her and she turned back to see Steve, luggage in one hand, half eaten apple in the other.

“I need a nap,” she said before he could utter a word. He looked a little confused at first but then nodded, following her down the hallway.

“Sounds like a good idea.” She weakly smiled at him but turned back to her direction for her bedroom. It was closer than his and he just nodded when she stepped up to her door. He walked past, sticking his apple in his mouth as he heaved the backpack over his shoulder again. She watched him for a minute before turning the knob of her door. She stepped in, searching the room over before turning the lights on (a small circle in the wall she just had to press with her palm) and pulling her whole body in. The room was the same as she left it. The windows brought in the noon sunlight, reflecting off the grey carpet and dark furniture. The white fluffy duvet of the bed was perfectly set against the mattress and she immediately dragged herself to it. She dropped the backpack and sloppily pulled her boots off. She fell across the bed on her belly, a great sigh coming from her tired body.

She tucked her legs in, relaxing into a fetal position, her eyes gazing to the cabinet against the far wall. Pictures rested on top. She hadn’t recalled having photos before. She slowly got up, letting her socked feet slip through the carpet as she approached the photos. The faces of each Avenger stared up at her, a few of just Tony and Bruce, Steve and Clint… The photos used to be downstairs in the Avengers living area. Natasha supposed the memories had been too much for Tony or Vision. She picked up the group picture of the Avengers, laughing at the scene. Tony had Clint, who was bending over with laughter, by the neck. Thor was yelling about something, his mouth opened fiercely, but his eyes bright with joy. Natasha was laughing at Clint’s capture (probably knowing Clint could knee Tony at any moment and get away if he wanted) and Steve’s arm was hanging over her shoulder and down to her stomach, most of his weight leaning against her. She never seemed to notice whenever he did that. He was laughing with Bruce who was still talking to the person who took the picture. It had been Pepper and the picture was more likely an accident. But even now…. it was a perfect picture.

Natasha set it back down, only glancing at the other ones. Steve’s smiling face and Tony’s annoyed faces warmed her heart but only made her miss them more. She rapped her knuckles against the dark wood before turning back to her bed and slipped back into it. She pulled her jacket off and dropped her head into her pillows. The bed was cold but it would warm. She let her eyes close and slowly felt her body relax in a sleep.

……………………..

“Are the Avenger notifications insane?” Bruce asked over the FaceTime screen. News of attacks and calls for aid were always notified in the Avengers computer system. Some weren’t necessary, some were a lifesavers. Natasha had searched the computer just minutes before, finding nothing more than invites and ceremonial events Ross had probably wanted Rhodey and Tony to attend weeks ago.

“Nothing interesting… or life threatening,” she said, sipping from a warm cup of coffee. She was once again thankful for her own Keurig Clint had bought her years ago for her bedroom. She still had a few more coffee mixes but she’d run out soon. She’d put some on the shopping trip for later. “I guess all the big bad guys are taking a needed vacay.”

“Those looters will be out…” he added, glancing around the room he was in. It looked very bright with lights and he looked like he was relaxed in some fresh clothes. He was probably in the Wakandan palace. It looked early morning.

Natasha sighed, dropping her chin in her hands. “Is that Avengers work?”

Bruce glanced up at her and chuckled, shaking his head. “I suppose not. As Tony would’ve said… ‘below our pay grade’. Cap used to hate that.” He chuckled but Natasha bit her her lower lip. Bruce noticed, she knew, but he just cleared his throat. “Where is Cap?”

Natasha glanced around her bedroom. Her room was now full with the warm evening sunlight and her bed was a wreck of tossed and ruined sheets. She hadn’t gotten the sleep she wanted or deserved. Napping had always been hard to do. She still didn’t understand how Clint could nap wherever and whenever. She was almost jealous. She hoped Steve had gotten a nap… surely. “Napping…” she finally sighed. She rubbed at her face. “I’m supposed to be doing the same. It’s just…”

“Never a nap person?” Bruce said and she smiled back at him. “Some people just aren’t. You outta make yourself super bored or very relaxed. A book on Chinese history and some Chamomile tea.”

Natasha wasn’t so sure what wasn’t interesting about Chinese history and she wasn’t sure the Facility even housed any teas. “Thanks… but… uh, it’s already too late here anyway and I should be making a shopping list. Thank Rhodey for not stocking up in the pantry before he left.” Bruce laughed and Natasha rolled her eyes. “Uh… how are things down there?”

He glanced around the room before letting out a heavy sigh. “This dusting… thing has taken a toll on everyone. I think Okoye is just starting to get over the shock. Took her days… And she’s the only leader left, Nat. Wakanda have satellites all over— the whole world’s been affected by this. It doesn’t seem like a soul didn't lose a wife, father, kid.”

“Yeah…” Natasha rubbed the back of her neck. She had been up too many hours. “You still planning on flying in next week.”

“Might be here longer…. I’m still processing what Princess Shuri did with Vision for the little time she had him. Thanks for taking the helm at the Facility. How is it to be home?”

Natasha stared at the screen before forcing a smirk. “It’s home, alright…” She heard shuffling down the hallway, a news spokesmen's voice drifting down the hallway. Steve was up. “I have to go. Need to order some pizza. Talk to you later?”

Bruce nodded vigorously. “It may be Rhodey you catch, instead of me… but yeah. We’ll keep in touch.” Natasha just nodded, smiled reassuringly, and ended the call. Bruce’s face disappeared out of thin air and the small tablet went dark. Natasha pushed it aside and grabbed her phone off the desk, ordering some pizza from the nearest delivery.

When Natasha made her way out of the bedroom and into the Avengers living area, Steve was standing in the middle of the room, dressed in some new clean clothes, his arms folded over his chest. He was staring at the near TV and Natasha could hear the CNN news still reporting on the mysterious dusting and the missing persons. Why was he was still watching the news…?

“I ordered pizza,” she said, coming through the room and sinking down on one of the couches. She, too, wore new clothes. A navy blue tank top and some cargo pants were comfy and Steve never minded when she looked her sloppiest. “It’ll be here in thirty minutes.”

“Thirty minutes?” he repeated, looking down at her with a frown.

She stared back at him, rubbing her sweaty palms together. “Uh… yeah… they… Well, they lost some of their employees. It takes them longer to get orders out.” She dropped her head and pulled her legs up on the couch. Steve was silent but he slowly sat down on the opposite couch. “I talked to Bruce.” Steve’s head lifted and he leaned against the back of the couch, his eyes on her. “It’s still a wreck down there… Wakandan satellites are picking up on more casualties.” She just nodded, biting at her lower lip.

“It’s world-wide. Thanos said he’d take out fifty percent.”

“By God, he did it…” Natasha glanced around the living room, her eyes falling on the chess board on the coffee table in the middle of the room. “Where do you suppose he is now?”

Steve stared down at the chess board, his hands wrapping around one of his knees. “Who knows…” When he looked back at her, she quickly dragged her eyes away. “You wanna talk about it?” They hadn’t really talked about what happened just days before. Bucky, T’Challa, Vision. There had been tears behind closed doors and loving hugs… but nothing more.

“I don’t know,” she finally muttered. She tucked herself higher into the couch, her knees now up against her chest, her chin resting on them. Steve watched her for a moment before looking back at the TV. He muted it before slowly getting up and making the small distance to her couch. She watched as he dropped beside her, their eyes never locking. He pulled himself closer to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She gratefully dropped against him, allowing him to cuddle her close. She wrapped an arm around his middle, letting her thumb rub at the fabric of his shirt. “We lost…”

He stiffened slightly but then his fingers found their way into her blonde hair. He pressed a kiss to her forehead with a mutter, “I know… I know.”

“What are we gonna do?” she asked in a low voice. He just kept rubbing at her head and his other arm came around to rub her arm across his middle. He didn’t seem to have an answer for that and they sat in silence for a long moment.

“I miss Sam…” he finally muttered minutes later. Natasha slowly glanced up at him. It had always been Steve and Nat ever since 2014, after they took down S.H.I.E.L.D. But Sam had always be there too. They always made fun of him for being a third wheel. But they loved him and they were a trio for so long. This was the first time in so long they were alone.

It suddenly made Natasha realize about the space of the compound. It was a huge building…. and it was so quiet. Steve pressed another kiss to her head, smelling in her hair. She moved closer to him, rubbing his middle. If there was one thing Natasha was thankful for in the dark moment… was that Steve Rogers was there. And he was holding her ruined self.

………………....

If naps seemed awful, the night was even worse. The building seemed to have gone asleep the minute the sun fell, making it drastically silent and still. Pizza had been good but was almost bland. They let TV stations running as they ate dinner, legs tangled together on the couch, snacking on each other’s food. Steve seemed exhausted and was the first to get to bed.

It was midnight by the time Natasha felt brave enough to make it into her bed. And there she lay… staring up at the ceiling and just breathing. She couldn’t fall asleep. The room was silent, FRIDAY had well slipped off and no computers beeped or hummed. She almost wished something would happen. She’d be all in for the fire alarms to go off. She wasn’t even sure if the building was equipped with a normal house fire alarm.

Nights had never been like this before. She had felt safe in the Facility years before, falling into deep sleeps for long hours. Dreams had even abandoned her for some years. They were back. And in full force. Maybe it wasn’t really the silence that bothered Natasha. Maybe it was the fear of seeing Vision’s cold body in a dream; Steve’s tear streaked face, dust, dust everywhere. And then Clint’s face… and the Red Room teachers, boots hitting her in the back, trainers yelling in her face. Men dead… she had killed them.

Natasha pulled herself up from the pillow, not allowing her mind to follow the merry lane of memories. Would she ever get rest? She rubbed at her face and looked around her bedroom. The curtains of the long windows kept back the cold moonlight, making so much of the bedroom own a blue lighting. She pulled the bed covers off and and made her way into the bathroom. She grabbed a paper cup and filled it from the sink, hastily taking down the water. It was cold and refreshing. When she looked back at the mirror, sweat was covering her forehead and her eyes looked red. She leaned against the counter, taking in a breath.

Finally, she groaned and turned away, stepping back into the bedroom. She wasn’t going to get any sleep there and her body begged for some. She just couldn’t silence her brain. She was dressed in some gray pajamas and she was barefoot but she still left the bedroom. She made her way down the hallways before stepping up to Steve’s door. Steve’s bedroom was always open to her when she needed it. It seemed like yesterday when she first shared a bed with him. It wasn’t anything weird or romantic, for that matter. She had had awful nightmares and he offered to stay with her until it got better. He stayed the whole night and she had woken up to his arm tucked around her waist and the covers wound tightly around them. Since then, they both came to each other with the horrors and they always seemed to get through them together.

She hoped they could do the same tonight. Though, this time they were working through the same things, the same losses. She wondered if they were too damaged for peace.

Still she opened the door, slipping her head in. It wasn’t completely dark but close enough. His head immediately lifted from the pillow and he turned his body to see her. “Can’t sleep?” he asked, as if he hadn't had a wink of sleep either.

“The building is so quiet, it’s loud,” she said, stepping in. “And…” She looked down at her paper cup, the last sips of water inside. The dreams were awful. She needed him.

“I know.” He dropped his head. The moonlight came through his room too, dancing along his dark hair and perfect profile. “You wanna stay here?” She just nodded and he pulled the blankets back. “Come on.”

She made her way, drinking the last of the water and setting the cup on the nightstand. She pulled the blankets further back and slipped in the side of the bed. He cleared his throat and moved back slightly as she tucked into the mattress, cuddling her back against his chest. He dropped the blankets over her and tucked an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. “This is better…” she whispered, letting her eyes close.

“Mmm…” He sighed against her head, the ends of her hair tickling her neck. They laid there for a long time, the silence still there but filled with their presence. Steve rubbed at her stomach but his breath became slower in relaxation and her head was starting to relax from the throbbing. Finally, Natasha turned over on her other side, curling into his chest. He seemed surprised at first and his kept his arm lifted as she snuggled closer. “You okay?” he finally asked, allowing his chin to lay against her head.

“Yeah… of course.” She let her hand rest against his chest, slowly finding the steady beat of his heart just beneath his shirt. “I’m just…” Steve lifted his head again and her eyes had adjusted enough to the dark that she could see his face… and his worried frown. “I’m just really… really thankful I didn’t lose you.”

Steve stared down at her for a moment before pressing a kiss to her forehead. It was a long one, full intent and love passing from him to her. She felt it all. “And you never will,” he whispered, intently staring into her eyes. She smiled, tapping her fingers against his heart. He was promising and she didn’t realize how much she needed to hear those words. She wasn’t alone. And she wouldn’t be. She rested her head back in his chest and he dropped his arm back around her. At the same moment, they snuggled closer. “Goodnight, you.”

“Love you,” she whispered. The last thing she remembered was him repeating the words to her. _I love you…_

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! it's amazing to finally share my writing!


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